New Year, Newish Me, Same Old Judgment

I'm not usually one for resolutions except in the most recent years.  While I hate to create a standard for myself that could be devastating when I fail, I also like challenging myself.  Which to me is the whole point of a resolution.  Sure I might fail, anyone might fail.  But it is about the fact that I'm trying.  I want to try.  I've failed in the past.  I might fail now.  But I'm trying.

So here's why I am pissed as all hell.  I've been unsatisfied by my physical appearance for a while.  I love my body and who am I in it, but I also know I'm not as healthy as I could be.  I need to lose weight and tone up, back to what I used to be.  I tried for a while to do it at home but I realized I couldn't do it.  I need support around me.  I was at my healthiest when I was working out with my roommates in college.  Being alone doesn't work for me.  So I decided to join a gym.  Cliche, I know.  But when working out at home doesn't do it, you go somewhere that it does.

Dear people who are already gym members and bitch about waiting for machines or having a packed gym, please shut the fuck up.  Choosing to better myself and join a gym was difficult in the first place.  Do you have any idea the affect you have on a person's self esteem when you complain about how deserving you are of the gym and others aren't?  My self esteem is already weak and I struggle with it.  I understand the frustration of a sudden influx of people in your usual environment, but everyone is just as deserving of improving themselves as you are.

All I ask is to please take in mind what each person might be thinking or feeling about being at the gym.  They might hate themselves.  They could be trying to lose weight to stave off diabetes.  Maybe they lost a family member to a heart attack and are scared of facing the same fate.  Maybe they are even jealous of how you look and wish they could look the same.  Everyone struggles and everyone can take efforts to fix themselves.  Please stop judging those that do.

26 Things About Me

In honor of my 26th birthday, I want to share 26 items about me. Some that have already been shared, some that haven't. Some that are important, and some that are trivial.  But really, it's all me.

1. Dark chocolate strawberries are my dessert weakness.  Seriously, if you buy me these, I will love you forever...well maybe not forever, but a very long time!

2. My eyes are hazel.  I used to find my eyes annoying; I wanted to have brown eyes. But once I mastered the use of make-up (go me), I realized the amazing quality of hazel eyes to change tones and now I love my eyes.

3. I'm a sexual assault survivor. I've been able to use what happened to me to empower myself to help others and dedicate my studies to learning how I can make a difference. And now it's my passion.

4. I'm a virgin. Yep, I know.  Not something most people would brag about, but I'm still pretty pleased.  Sure I haven't experienced the wonder that is sex (I watch movies, I know how great it is) but I also have no regrets about who has been in between my sheets...

5. I wish instead of buying drinks, guys could offer to buy me books. *sigh* A bookworm can dream...

6. I adopted a dog in August of 2013 from a friend, and it was the best decision I've ever made.  Having my sweet girl Tasha to come home to every day is such a relief. A happy dog means a happy owner.

7. I work with teen boys.  Some days, I love my job.  Some days, I don't.  But I wouldn't take back the experience for anything. Punches and all...

8. I'm considering going back to school for my PhD.  And possibly studying abroad in England...and on that note...

9. I would run away to London forever if I could. I would willingly start the next expat movement and be the happiest person ever.

10. I love reading and even though I have to shove/stack/precariously balance my books (approx. 400) on my shelves, I will never stop buying books.

11. I think crossword puzzles are fun and would sit and do them all day if I could.

12. I dream of being a published novelist who helps people through their difficult times with my words.  I don't want to be the next JK Rowling, but I want to have an affect on someone the way she affected me.

13. Coffee is my life force.  Tea relaxes me.

14. I played 7 years of basketball, 8 years of softball, 1 year of volleyball, 2 years of cheerleading, and 2 years of soccer as a youth. But I didn't fit in with any of the jocks.

15. I tried to kill myself when I was 13, and I'm grateful that I failed.

16. I wish I didn't need so much sleep, because I do way too much and don't have enough hours in the day. But I will procrastinate things in order to get more sleep, especially if I didn't get a good night of sleep.

17. I used to hate my name. Especially since I went by the shortened version of my name, Alex, which kids teased me saying was a boy's name. Once I got to college, I enjoyed hearing professors call me Alexandra and I started using my full name in all professional instances.

18. I wanted to move to L.A. when I was 18 to become an actress, but was told it was more important to have a degree to fall back on, so I went to college. I became so passionate about studying Criminal Justice that I never studied acting again.

19. My favorite color is blue. Any shade.

20. My least favorite food in the entire world is tapioca. Ick.

21. Blush pink peonies are my favorite flower.

22. I have a fascination with abandoned places.  The more festive and populated the place is supposed to be the better.  I went through an abandoned mini golf course and thought it was just the coolest thing.

23. I have one tattoo, the original artwork for the Cheshire Cat in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I have designed my second one which I would like to get this summer.

24. Working at Barnes & Noble has been my favorite job of all the ones I've had. Particularly because of the discount...good times...

25. I'm going through a small quarter-life crisis since I moved back home last year.  Being in your mid 20s and living at home with a parent can be great but also disheartening at times because I still really can't afford my entire life on what I make now...

26. But I'm incredibly optimistic about what I could have in front of me for my future. If only I take one foot at a time.


Alright, that is 26 facts about me in honor of my 26th birthday. I hope to have a great birthday and hope that everyone has a Merry Un-birthday :)

About Me....'Cause You Know You Want to Know

Ok, so I realized today that I haven’t really shared much about myself on my blog. So why not share some stuff now. (in no order of importance)

I’m a love child that is an only child at my mom’s house but the oldest of four at my dad’s.
I adore cats and dogs, but if I ultimately had to pick one or the other…I’d pick dogs.
My favorite pizza toppings would be black olives, mushrooms, bacon, and sausage.
I disliked my name for years but finally started liking it when I got into college.
My favorite Journey song is “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin.’”
I have a knack for saying inappropriate things at the inappropriate times.
My favorite color is blue.
My eyes are hazel and I’m naturally a dark brunette.
I like art without being pretentious.
I hate the state I’m from, it’s too damn cold.
My friends are the family I got to pick, but I still love my family (the ones I got stuck with).
I am petrified of snakes.
The way to my heart is dark chocolate covered strawberries.
Bob Dylan is my healing music.
My favorite novel is a tie between ‘Shutter Island’ by Dennis Lehane and ‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll.
I cannot pick a top movie, and I probably couldn’t even narrow a top ten (that’s how much I watch movies).
If I could learn any language just for fun, I’d learn Russian.
A hot cup of tea can compliment any of my moods.
My favorite alcohol is Green Apple Smirnoff Ice (damn you Mere for introducing us).
My inner monologues have been known to last quite a while.
I have déjà vu frequently….twice so far this week.

Ok, so I think I’ve given you a glimpse into me and my head. Any questions….just ask. I just might give you an answer.