Saturday, August 13, 2011

What the Duck?

How I Met Your Mother is one of my favorite shows. The witty dialogue, infectious brand of humor, and stellar cast combination (NPH rules) create an intoxicating pleasure to view. In an episode I watched again recently, Robin, Ted, Lily, and Marshall were debating Rabbit vs Duck. Which animal is better? Marshall (much to my enjoyment because I love Jason Segel) said that rabbits were obviously better than ducks. The three others disagreed and wouldn't let it go until he conceded their point. This is where I say: WHAT THE DUCK? Rabbits are by far the better animal than ducks and here are the reasons why.

1) Which animal's foot do you carry for good luck? While I don't support the slaughter of poor bun-buns for their feet, they are good luck charms. How nasty would it be to carry around a duck's foot? People would probably question your involvement in animal sacrifice.

2) Which animal is more cuddly? While importance in cuddliness or quality of the cuddle is not the best way to make decisions (except in boyfriend choosing), I would not snuggle with a duck. Their feathers are oily and they smell. Rabbits on the other hand would be delightful to snuggle with for a while. They are amazingly soft.

3) Which animal is nicer? Ducks are mean. Seriously. They bite you and squawk annoyingly. Do rabbits make annoying noises? No.

4) Which animal has more normal sex organs? Duck penis. Google it. I dare you.

5) Which animal has a better sex catchphrase? You don't hear people saying "Doing it like ducks." #4 is the reason why.

So in conclusion, ducks suck. Rabbits rule all. And with enough sex, they'll overtake us. But they seem like they would be pleasant overlords.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Back Assward Body Image

The feminine form has been a topic of conversation since there were women....and men to admire them. But I can't help notice the extreme change that has occurred since Eve and the apple and that business. If you're not a size 0, you're nothing. Well not nothing, just not hot.

While I'm not promoting the obesity issue currently plaguing American youth, I can't help but think "What kind of body image are we giving to our female youngsters?" While more body conscious ads are becoming popular, it's not enough. Not compared to the repeated Orwellian-like propaganda issued out every pore of American society. Actresses are enough fuel to the fire. Women like Keira Knightley, that one Olsen twin, Nicole Richie, etc, etc. Talent for acting and accumulating wealth aside, Jesus Christ eat an f-ing hamburger!

Is this what we want our future daughters, nieces, and granddaughters to look like? A walking skeleton that either vomits up every meal or doesn't eat at all? Or even the other extreme, a girl so conscious about her weight that she works out constantly? Sure there are actresses standing up for being healthy and curvaceous. Name 10 right now....can you do it? Maybe, but most likely not. If on the other hand I asked you to name 10 women size 0-2, you'd have a field day, nay, a smorgasbord of pickings.

What happened to the times where women with curves where noticed for their ability to carry children? That wide hips were a good thing? That a woman with extra "meat" on her bones meant she was wealthy and ate well? Hmm, I prefer my ass size the way it is compared to a 3rd World nation orphan (not to make slight of their problems, sending them the food you size 0's choose not to eat would be wonderful for everyone, I guess).

I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. And sure I have my body issues, but knowing that I have child bearing hips (should I choose that route) and curves that differentiate me from the prepubescent boy figure, makes me feel good. Sure, plenty of guys can be shallow about what a girl looks like. This is what I have to say......Fuck them! I love myself and if that means that I'm a size 10 because I choose to eat burgers and fries and ice cream, then bring on the meal, cause baby I'm hungry :)