Saturday, December 17, 2011

Guys and Their Sports Figures

I am a girl who loves sports. Seriously. I bleed Green and White every fall watching Michigan State football. I scream with joy whenever Ohio State loses. I celebrate when the Red Wings make Sydney Crosby cry. I may not know everything, but I know enough to keep in conversation. Anyway, there are two sports figures that I don't get the guy hype about. Tim Tebow and Lebron James.

This could be due to the fact that NFL and NBA are two of the sports arenas I don't particularly care about. But all I saw last year was guys fawning over Lebron James. He even got a mention in the movie Bad Teacher. "It's the only argument I need Sean!" Haven't seen the film but that line always makes me crack up.

And now, the hype is all about Tim Tebow. All I know is that his name is Tim and he plays football. I have heard that it might have something to do with his religious nature. But anyway, if any guy could please explain the hype over these two, it would be great.

Numbers 4, 5, 6, and 7 of Film Festival

In the continuance of my awesome movie project where I watch a ton of movies (also just got Netflix so that should help this along). Here it goes..

#4: Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
While I do find parts of Twilight annoying and do not completely begrudge those who enjoy criticizing it, just remember that Stephanie Meyer is laughing all the way to bank. Anywho, this film takes the series in a new direction, prior to the lovey-dovey awkward love triangle of Bella (Kristen Stewert), Edward (Robert Pattinson), and Jacob (Taylor Lautner). Bella and Edward get hitched and thus have their honeymoon. Oops no condom, what she's knocked up?! And the fetus is killing her. *gasp* This movie improves on the last ones in two great aspects. Number 1: this movie is actually funny. Not awkward funny, like when Edward first smells Bella (bahahaha), but legitimately hilarious. Mostly in part to Kellan Lutz. As the burly, bearlike, adopted brother, he repeatedly has the funny lines in each film. So clearly, he needs to be in the next movie more. Not that it'll happen. Number two: this movie actually related to vampiric activity. Seeing the movie at midnight was hilarious because when they discover that Bella needs to drink blood to save her baby, everyone was whispering "Eeww, ohmigod this is gross." And meanwhile, I'm laughing hysterically. So yeah, blood and guts, actually what related to vamps, not teen angstness. For the funny and blood and guts, I'm giving it a 7 out of 10. Still not a high caliber film, but it's improving. Get rid of the main three characters and the next film might have a chance.

5: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
These books have a special place in my heart for helping me get through a really tough period of my life. The saga wraps up with the final battle and enough deaths to make any mortuary worker thrilled. Not gonna lie, totally balled my eyes out when they showed the bodies of all our beloved friends. I actually think I liked the first part of the final one better, I'm not sure why. My rating for the last film is 9 out of 10. These films are really well done, but like Matrix fans who always wonder why no sequels were ever made, I think it's great that Rowling never wrote a epilogue. OH WAIT. Denied. So that's my deducted point. The ending was already bleh, but then to film the epilogue and having them played by the actual actors who have barely any make up to age them. Yeah, fail on that one. I still love the film, but from now on, when the screen goes black I'm turning it off before that ridiculous spectacle.

6: The DaVinci Code
I received the book last Christmas as a gift and finally decided to pull it off my bookcase of unread novels and give it a whirl. The story is about the death of a prominent figure and the story descends into the obscure world of religious iconography and secrets. Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is a professor of religious iconography who gets called in to consult of the case. Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou) is a cryptologist who brings herself into the murder and the two team up when Langdon is considered the prime suspect for the murder. Eventually the two meet up with Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen) in an attempt to solve the puzzles. I am giving this movie a 6 out of 10. I enjoyed the book decently but the movie did so-so at following the book in my opinion. Not surprising, that's usually what happens with books and films. The other part of the movie that drove me nuts is the attempt at chemistry between Hanks and Tautou. There is ZERO chemistry there. Really. Nothing. And while he was certainly not looking his best, she was looking damn fine. Audrey Tautou is gorgeous. But the chemistry was far too contrived. It's a movie that is amusing to watch but also one you can talk through too.

7: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Swedish version)
I really enjoy this book series. Written by Steig Larsson, the twisted novels present an interesting view on a crime story. Journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) has just been convicted on a libel charge and currently has nothing to do while waiting to go to prison. A family patriarch calls him and asks him to investigate the murder of a family member from 40 years ago. Interwoven is the story of Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), a gothic woman who leaves everyone guessing. The novel is extremely long and as such, transforming it into film means things will be left out. As is the case for this one. The majority of important aspects are covered in the film, but it still lacks. I give it a 8 out of 10. The movie is extremely beautiful cinematographally (if that even counts as a word). I really can't wait for the American version. Because while the guy playing Mikael is attractive, Daniel Craig is hot as hell. I'm interested in seeing Rooney Mara as Lisbeth, but from pictures I'm not sure. I think the even better combination would have been Noomi Rapace and Daniel Craig. But anyway, it comes out in a few days so I'll be able to offer my commentary on the American version.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why Women Love Edward Cullen and Jacob Black

With the release of Breaking Dawn pt 1 just over 24 hours away, I thought I'd educate people (at least people who have never read the books) why the series has captured the hearts and minds of tween girls (and their moms) everywhere. For those of you who read this, if you plan on judging me, you can eff off now. People everywhere enjoy judging these books and judging the people who read these books, but unless you have actually read the books, I don't give a damn what your opinion is. You're just being a judgmental pricks. Since I have read the books, I am entitled to critique the novels.

Now, if you're still reading this and you haven't been put off by my slight bitchiness, allow me to shed some light. Bella Swan is a typical female character in that she is average. There is nothing about her that is extraordinary. She's plainly pretty, semi-smart, and a bit clumsy. Enter Edward the vampire. When they fall in love with each other, he constantly tells her how he loves her exactly the way she is. She doesn't have to change to fit what he wants. She is exactly what he wants. She is amazed why someone like him would love her, but he does and his love is unwavering. And that is why females everywhere read these novels and picture themselves as Bella Swan. She's average. And there is not a single woman out there that hasn't at some moment of her life thought she was ugly, clumsy, or awkward (pardon my awkward double negative). But all women want is a man to be with that will accept them for everything they are. And that is why women, no matter the age, have read these books and fallen for Edward. Because he is the epitome of what women want. Not hotness (aka RPattzness), not physique. A guy who accepts every part of you for what you are and loves you anyway.

Now, onto why there is a Team Jacob. Jacob is the antithesis of Edward because while he loves Bella for who she is, he challenges her to become more. He knows that sometimes Bella will settle for the easy option, but he pushes her to be more. Jacob is the epitome of a comfortable relationship. The ease of everyday life. Everyone wants their significant other to be their best friend. As his wolfy character is often described, he's warm. Safe. So that's how the two camps separate. On one side, Edward is special and more than Bella believes she deserves. And on the other side, Jacob is the safe environment that is comfortable and someone you can tell anything.

So there you go. The break down of why two characters have most the female population all twitter-pated. Because they easily represent what women want from their significant others. While I do appreciate the want of a man who wants you the way you are, let me make it perfectly known I think Meyer's writing is as juvenile as the age group for which she's writing. I could keep going, especially on how you can't compare it to Harry Potter, but that's another blog for another time.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

500 Film Festival

I love movies. Seriously. I invest way too much money in buying movies I want/like. So I figured, "Hey, why not write about movies in my blog?" Not necessarily in the sense of a movie review only blog, but review some films. I am going to try and stick with films I'm seeing for the first time but I do own several films so I am sure I'll dabble into those at some point. DVD is primed, popcorn is buttery, let's do this!

#1: 50/50
I saw this yesterday in theaters and wow. It was getting amazing reviews and now I know why. Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is an average guy living an average life. But when he finds out he has a rare cancer, his life is shaken. His girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard), his best friend (Seth Rogan), and his mother (Anjelica Huston) are trying to handle the news and as the movie unravels you see who can handle it and who can't. My favorite character is Katherine (Anna Kendrick) who is the assigned therapist for Adam. She's got the book smarts telling her how to handle patients but not the experience and as she gets to know Adam, he helps her as much as she helps him. It's a moving film with a beautiful soundtrack, that I'll probably be buying soon or putting on my Christmas list. I give the film 9.5 out of 10 stars. I deducted .5 because I cried a lot. It's the kind of film that makes you want to call everyone you love and say "If you f*cking get cancer, I'll freak out man."

#2: the Black Dahlia
Based on the book by James Ellroy, it features a true murder with fictionalized characters. Since I had just finished reading my copy of the book, I wanted to watch the film. Set the late 1940s, the real murder of Elizabeth Short is the centerpiece of the film as two cops, Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhart) and Bucky Bleichert (Josh Hartnett), get enthralled with solving the case and possibly ruining their own lives in the process. The film features several other large names including Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank as eye candy and romantic interests. I give the film 7.5 out of 10 stars. The film was well done as a noir, but true to form it doesn't stand well for the book. Bits and pieces were left out that in my opinion could easily have been added. A good noir film if you like that genre, but lackluster in comparison to the book.

#3: X-Men: First Class
I love comic book movies. Comic book movies got me into reading graphic novels and comic books. So I was bummed when I didn't have the time to catch this one on the big screen. First Class begins at the beginning of Professor X and Magneto. Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) star well as the younger versions of beloved mutants (well beloved might stretch a bit far for Magneto). You get to see their stories from the beginning as well as how they come to form their beliefs about their mutant states. The story features the Hellfire Club run by Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) and his right hand gal Emma Frost (January Jones) which was an arc in the comic I wanted to know more about. The film features some well known mutants in their younger times, such as the Beast and Mystique, but also some mutants not yet featured in the films, like Havok and Banshee. Overall, I give it 8 out of 10 stars. Well done as an action film, but not being read in the comics I couldn't tell you what is missing. Certainly entertaining, but only slightly more entertaining than other comic books films. Nothing too extraordinary. The standout for me was Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique. Being a fan of The Hunger Games, I was wary when she was cast as the lead, but after viewing this I think she will be very good as Katniss.

So there's my first three films. Overall, for three movies in one day I think I picked some good ones. Butter your popcorn and swirl your slushies! More coming soon!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Strip, Strip, Say What?

While driving home from work one morning, I was listening to a local morning show called Gravy in the Morning (ooh, Gravy). The debate of the morning was between the male anchor Gravy and the female anchor Ellen about the idea of strip clubs. Apparently, a new club was opened in the area which catered to female clientele, basically the opposite of a typical, guy-appealed strip club. Ellen was arguing the point that it's ok for her to go to a strip club but that her "man" couldn't because, and this is the part I doubt, she didn't trust the women not to do anything.

Ok, so the issues here is trust. She said repeatedly that she had trust for the guy to be fine but that the female strippers would cross the line. So why wouldn't she trust her guy then to stop if the stripper went too far? Which also, btw, is not supposed to be allowed, though more money will often get strippers to break the rule.

So basically, in the most respectful way I can put this, she's being quite hypocritical. Because if you trust your man, why can't he go? You should trust that if anything happens he'll stop the situation. And if he cheats on you, he's not worth it. And what if her significant other said that he felt uncomfortable with her going because he didn't trust the men? Would she say "Ok, honey. I understand." or would she say "What? No, that's unfair." Obviously, I don't know what she would do in that situation. But the whole thing still seems hypocritical.

So here's my position on it: sure, my man can go to the strip club and get his engine revved, as long as he parks the car in my garage. And if he did cheat, he would be in a world of pain.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Jane Austen Amusement

I wrote this a while ago and it's been clogging up my desktop just sitting there unpublished. So what better time to post it than now?

I adore Jane Austen. Her novels are well written and capture both her historical time and great love stories. But tonight at work, after watching Sense and Sensibility (Alan Rickman as Colonol Brandon....YUM) and Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version, far less amazing as 5.5 hr BBC version), there are few things that stuck out.

People in the era travel around frequently and it was common practice to visit famously wealthy houses. I understand wanting to see big estates. But I find it odd going to visit houses not to see the family but also to see the house when the family is not there. Now, my house is not a grand estate but it would be like someone coming to visit my house while I was on vacation or at work. Does anyone else find that oddly unsettling? I would never allow people to visit my house while I was gone unless I trusted them and allowed them entry for a specific reason. But Lizzy and her Aunt and Uncle visit several estates including Pemberly (*sigh*). But all of a sudden she's shocked when she runs into Darcy. Ok, I understand their history is what makes the greeting awkward, but wouldn't you be shocked if you visited anyone's house and they suddenly showed up? I mean really, the audicity of them to be at their house when they were supposed to be away. I just find the notion of visiting someone's house while they aren't even there to be very vexing, to use Mrs. Bennet's favorite phrase.

One thing I wondered and would love to direct the question specifically to Jane if she was around is what is her issue with the letter "w"? Seriously, in both S&S and P&P (also alliteration), the two villainous (though not purely evil, not good of character) characters have last names starting with a w. Did Austen have a grudge against someone with a w in their last name because I want to know. Add that to the list of fantasy dinner questions.

Oh and also, there are so many people that appear in S&S that have also been in Harry Potter. HP characters include Madame Pomfrey, Trelawny, Snape, Fudge, Fat Lady (1st movie), and Umbridge. There might be more but I lack the capability of checking at the moment.

Another great thing since regency is the advancement of medicine. The idea that blood letting was such an amazing way to fix someone who was sick.....uh, no. Really glad that isn't common practice anymore. Though I am interested in how they got rid of the blood back then. One of those random things I think about sometimes. Does anyone else want to learn a quadrille with me?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

What the Duck?

How I Met Your Mother is one of my favorite shows. The witty dialogue, infectious brand of humor, and stellar cast combination (NPH rules) create an intoxicating pleasure to view. In an episode I watched again recently, Robin, Ted, Lily, and Marshall were debating Rabbit vs Duck. Which animal is better? Marshall (much to my enjoyment because I love Jason Segel) said that rabbits were obviously better than ducks. The three others disagreed and wouldn't let it go until he conceded their point. This is where I say: WHAT THE DUCK? Rabbits are by far the better animal than ducks and here are the reasons why.

1) Which animal's foot do you carry for good luck? While I don't support the slaughter of poor bun-buns for their feet, they are good luck charms. How nasty would it be to carry around a duck's foot? People would probably question your involvement in animal sacrifice.

2) Which animal is more cuddly? While importance in cuddliness or quality of the cuddle is not the best way to make decisions (except in boyfriend choosing), I would not snuggle with a duck. Their feathers are oily and they smell. Rabbits on the other hand would be delightful to snuggle with for a while. They are amazingly soft.

3) Which animal is nicer? Ducks are mean. Seriously. They bite you and squawk annoyingly. Do rabbits make annoying noises? No.

4) Which animal has more normal sex organs? Duck penis. Google it. I dare you.

5) Which animal has a better sex catchphrase? You don't hear people saying "Doing it like ducks." #4 is the reason why.

So in conclusion, ducks suck. Rabbits rule all. And with enough sex, they'll overtake us. But they seem like they would be pleasant overlords.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Back Assward Body Image

The feminine form has been a topic of conversation since there were women....and men to admire them. But I can't help notice the extreme change that has occurred since Eve and the apple and that business. If you're not a size 0, you're nothing. Well not nothing, just not hot.

While I'm not promoting the obesity issue currently plaguing American youth, I can't help but think "What kind of body image are we giving to our female youngsters?" While more body conscious ads are becoming popular, it's not enough. Not compared to the repeated Orwellian-like propaganda issued out every pore of American society. Actresses are enough fuel to the fire. Women like Keira Knightley, that one Olsen twin, Nicole Richie, etc, etc. Talent for acting and accumulating wealth aside, Jesus Christ eat an f-ing hamburger!

Is this what we want our future daughters, nieces, and granddaughters to look like? A walking skeleton that either vomits up every meal or doesn't eat at all? Or even the other extreme, a girl so conscious about her weight that she works out constantly? Sure there are actresses standing up for being healthy and curvaceous. Name 10 right now....can you do it? Maybe, but most likely not. If on the other hand I asked you to name 10 women size 0-2, you'd have a field day, nay, a smorgasbord of pickings.

What happened to the times where women with curves where noticed for their ability to carry children? That wide hips were a good thing? That a woman with extra "meat" on her bones meant she was wealthy and ate well? Hmm, I prefer my ass size the way it is compared to a 3rd World nation orphan (not to make slight of their problems, sending them the food you size 0's choose not to eat would be wonderful for everyone, I guess).

I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. And sure I have my body issues, but knowing that I have child bearing hips (should I choose that route) and curves that differentiate me from the prepubescent boy figure, makes me feel good. Sure, plenty of guys can be shallow about what a girl looks like. This is what I have to say......Fuck them! I love myself and if that means that I'm a size 10 because I choose to eat burgers and fries and ice cream, then bring on the meal, cause baby I'm hungry :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Time to Change

As most females, eventually I come to point, usually a few months at a time, where I need to change my hair. For my birthday in April, I got it hacked short. Whoo go me! I really love my haircut. But now, sadly, I've grown out the color I used to have and am back to my natural hair color. I think my hair color is nice, it's very diverse. But I'm ready for something different. Thus I call on the inter-verse for guidance.

I'm going to provide three hair colors and I want people to vote. That's all I ask of the people who read this. Ok, here's the options.

1) Excellence to go, Dark Brown, #4
2) Feria, French Roast, #45
3) Excellence Creme, Dark Auburn, 4R

So there you go. Cast your votes. Let me know which color you think will be best on me and my mug :)