Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Sex, Society, and the Single Woman

I've been single most of the 23 years I've been alive. Apart from a week and a half long relationship in college, I've gotten used to being single and a virgin. Some of my damaged romantic past is my fault, and some of the fault is certainly on the shoulders of the guys who have treated me like crap (one guy in particular is on my kick-your-ass-if-I-ever-see-you-again list). As I've grown up and matured into the woman I am today, I'm becoming more comfortable in my singledom but also more frustrated at the perception society has about sex.

Society already has power over women by telling them what size their waist should be (I'm personally a fan of size cheesecake) and if that pressure wasn't enough, now society is trying to dictate my sex life. Great, thanks society. Like I don't already have enough issues.

Television, film, and music are permeated with the idea that if you're single, you should be sleeping with random people to find "the one." Am I the only person that sees the flawed logic in this plan? If a guy is willing to sleep with a girl on the first date, he's probably not looking for her to be the one. And this perception is spreading into the minds of girls everywhere. Look how that's going. Shows that focus on girls who get pregnant in high school like 16 and Pregnant and Secret Life of the American Teenage exhibit some of the problems of having children when you're young, but not nearly all the difficulties or statistics. I'm not saying everyone needs to remain chaste until marriage (props to those who do), but sleeping around isn't the answer and it's certainly not a good idea for people in high school who aren't emotionally ready to handle it.

It's extremely frustrating when people tell me, "Oh you need to get laid." Seriously? If I had wanted to get laid, I would've done so already. I told myself that I was going to be in a committed relationship when I lost my virginity and I've stuck to that. I want sex, but I also want intimacy. I want someone to create a bond with emotionally. Not just wham bam thank you, now get out.

Unfortunately, a lot is stacked against me in that regard. My foray into online dating was a great example of this. At the behest of my cousin, I created an online profile and sat anxiously waiting for responses. After some creepy inquiries and straight up invites for a hook up, I changed my profile so the tagline read "If looking for a hook up, need not apply here." My response rate plummeted and I lost interest in the idea of meeting someone that way. Even though eharmony tv ads keep informing me that lots of happy couples meet online.

So guys are looking for sex not intimacy, teen girls are getting pregnant in high school, and people I know think getting laid will fix me. Well that's discouraging.

Recently an article popped up on my facebook or twitter and it was celebrities discussing when they had lost their virginity. Here's some highlights:
Khloe Kardashian 14
Daniel Radcliffe 16
Britney Spears 14
Matthew Morrison 21
Tina Fey 24 (before marriage, but to the guy she's now married to)
Matthew Fox 12
Adriana Lima 27 (yes, the Victoria's Secret model waited until marriage)
Johnny Depp 13
Angelina Jolie 14

So there's a general slutiness about celebrities, but also some who waited. So it's nice to know that some celebrities feel the same about sex that I do. Go Tina and Adriana! I guess my whole point of this blog, besides telling everyone I'm still a virgin, is to give some youth hope that it's ok to wait. More people will say they wished they had waited versus wishing they had lost it sooner. Don't sell yourself short, wait to find someone who is worth that level of intimacy. And always use protection, no matter when you decide to trade your V-card!

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