Sunday, November 22nd, 2020
I've decided to resurrect my blog to capture this snapshot of life during a pandemic but also hopefully to help cope as writing is oft to do for me. Today, I glanced outside to see snow softly falling. We've had a couple little bits but this was the first time I've seen a decent snowfall. Not enough to stick here in Michigan, but enough to put wipers on when you drive. I don't much like snow, especially traveling in it. And yet here with my Christmas jazz musical accompaniment, I smiled realizing I would probably appreciate the snow more this year since I'll be spending more of my time at home. And then I remembered why and promptly let loose the tears.
What an odd emotional place to be in the crosshairs of blissfully happy and petrifyingly terrified... I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoy working part-time. Monetarily, less so, but humans should not have to work a 40 hr work week because honestly, we know it's probably more than that. I'm still covering my bills and that's even with my unemployment having been frozen since end of May, prior to even returning to work. So, the fact that I'm where I'm at is good and I'm grateful. I know on the whole people are struggling. It'd be great if our government gave more of f*ck about us, but what can you do?
I'm in school so that fits nicely with working part-time and giving me ample opportunity to get school stuff done. Work is getting done on the house and I'm grateful knowing my partner is safe working from home. We've spent more time together and ugh, I just love that nerd. I'm grateful to have a supportive, goofy, hardworking guy by my side who has helped me find my healthiest, happiest me. We've always been homebodies so these introverts are doing great at home.
And yet, with all this gratitude and happiness, chaos is outside my door. I cry almost every day. I've always been a sensitive and emotional person, but f*ck, it's getting a little old. In the beginning, I was concerned but I know my health is good and it was more a concern for others. As we learn more about this virus, I am actually more concerned about my own health and the possible lasting ramifications. I work with little children who don't understand the concept of covering their faces when they sneeze or maybe don't rub your snot on the toys. So yes, I got my flu shot. I use hand sanitizer. We clean a lot at work and send children home when we can't keep up with the snot.
But every day the cases go up. People are determined to "live their lives" and "not let this stop them." Allow me to beg the question, however will you do any of this if you die? Serious question. Also, why? Why does it matter to you that much? Are you just that selfish? Other countries are doing so much better at getting this under control and there's a reason why. It's called collectivism. Empathy and desire to care for your neighbor. It's why people in other countries would already wear masks when they were sick. To try to prevent others from getting sick. Yet here, in Big Bad America, you can't cancel a few holidays because people are dying en masse? Honestly, I pity your shortsightedness and send my thoughts and prayers that no one dies because of your well-intentioned activities. Because incidentally, that's already happened quite a bit. And I'm just f*cking over it. So pardon me, but I will be shutting myself inside my house as much as possible away from people with the exceptions of work, groceries, and prescriptions. Because I am taking this seriously and I want the people I love to make it out of this. Incidentally, if the people I love are making different choices, then like I said, thoughts and prayers but I'm not playing any games. Not with coronavirus. I'm tired. I'm so f*cking tired.
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