Big Sister Blues

This weekend, my dad and stepmom took a vacation out to Arizona.  Dad had to problem leaving my siblings alone for the weekend, mom disagreed, so here I am.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  I haven't spent significantly long periods of time with them since they were young enough for me to put them in a corner for time out.  Apart from the occasional vacation together, my time with them since they were young usually averaged around 3 days.  So these kids, now young adults, were slightly foreign to me, despite shared genetics.  I was entering into uncharted territory.

Here's some background information.  I'm ten years older than the eldest of the three.  Mark Jr is 16, and the twins, Anna and Michael, are 15.  I've always felt a disconnect, but seeing as how I'm a decade older than them, it isn't a mystery.  Plus that whole not-living-with-them thing too.

My brother Michael was already home from school when I arrived.  And by arrived, I mean punched random numbers into the garage key pad until it opened.  I knew the range, I just had to fudge about for a bit to get it since my key didn't fit the front door.  Probably the wrong key...  My sister Anna arrived next and bolted to hug me when she came through the door, forgetting that I was going to be here this weekend.  We immediately sat down and started talking.  I got to know her fears and dreams for the future.  We covered so many topics in such a short time.  Stuff that is incredibly difficult things to talk about but also knowledge about oneself that I'm not sure I was close to understanding at that age.  Later after Mark arrived home, Anna and I helped him work on his short story he had to write for school.  We offered suggestions, which he considered and reworked in some instances.  I eventually retired upstairs to watch the newest season of House of Cards and eventually went to sleep.

Saturday morning I was up bright eyed and bushy tailed, or more rather, tired eyed and coffee fueled.  Mark had a dermatology appointment which we arrived early for, sat, and waited 4 times longer than the actual appointment. Cause, you know, doctor's offices are like that.  Back home I indulged in a bubble bath for a while.  Post bath, all four of us sat and played Cards Against Humanity for over two hours.  I got to know their personalities.  What they find funny, which is sick and sarcastic and so totally the same as mine.  Leading me to be pretty certain that we get this from our father.  Thanks, dad.

Me and my sister Anna

We evaluated where we wanted to go for dinner and separated.  While the boys were playing video games, I asked my sister if I could do her make-up.  It's been ages since anyone has done my make-up for fun or played with my hair.  I couldn't resist.  I offered her tips (eye shadow can easily be used as eye liner) and talked about music (she liked almost everything from my mellow playlist.)  When we rallied for dinner, our first choice had an hour wait to be seated.  So we headed up the road to what happens to be one of my favorite places in the world, LA Cafe & Java.  It's the place I first had and enjoyed coffee.  I always get the blue corn chip nachos with mozzarella, mushrooms, onions, and broccoli (YUM.)  While waiting we started playing the movie game (I won,) followed by a word spelling game (I won again,) and we were still playing Would You Rather as we left the restaurant.

When we got home, we all sat down to watch the horror movie Would You Rather as I had mentioned it previously.  After that, we watched Unfriended, another horror flick I suggested.  Once the second horror film was done, we realized we needed some laughs so we watched funny videos for at least another hour.  Once we all retired, I helped Anna take off her make-up and gave her skin care suggestions.  Acne is a bitch.  She said, "Good night, I love you." Which I of course reciprocated.

And then I realized that it made me really sad.  I'm sad that I missed them growing up.  That I missed watching them turn into these amazing people and personalities.  I was always the big sister, but I wasn't around.  I wasn't the presence that their friends got to know when they came over to the house.  I didn't stay up late with them, giving them boy advice or tell them what high school is like.  I wasn't even there enough to be the big sister who was so "over it" and wants them to "get a life."

I know why my situation was the way it was.  And I will always be grateful to not have to endure divorce.  My parents were always amicable and supportive of each other.  They never fought in front of me, though I'm sure over 26 (almost 27) years they disagreed on things.  My dad still checked on my mom when we were in the hospital, even though I was on another floor and my stepmom went into labor on another.  I'm lucky given the situation of my surprise appearance, that neither parents bailed, especially dad.

But I missed out on the sister thing.  I'm only getting the chance now to be and experience what I always wanted.  And I know I could have done something before now.  But such is life.  I'm so happy to have this chance to get to know them.  I only wish it had been sooner.

Table for 6?

In a particular conversation recently, a question was posed. Not a super unique question, or bold question. But a question that struck up thought. What five people would you invite to your fantasy dinner, dead or alive? It’s a question I honestly hadn’t given real thought to before. And as I created my list, I would occasionally think of someone more exciting and have to make eliminations. Eventually, my mind created the following.

1. Jane Austen
If you hadn’t noticed before, I’m a bit of a Jane Austen fan. Shocking, right? It’s not like I’ve posted about her multiple times, or seen Pride & Prejudice BBC enough to have it memorized, or have read her most famous six novels in a book club I formed after seeing the movie Jane Austen Book Club. Jane’s invite to my really awesome dinner is to get her perspective on marriage of today’s time versus the marriages of her time. What would her opinion be on the rate of divorce or the scandal of people living together without being married? She wrote what was considered appropriate for her time, but that doesn’t mean she agreed. So what does one of the most famous writers of relationships feel about love? I’m dying to know. And also to be her best friend.

2. J.R.R. Tolkien
Tolkien was not the original pick for this spot. I had picked J.K. Rowling, because I would obviously need to sit her down and convince her to write more Harry Potter novels. I mean, who doesn’t want to know what Harry, Ron, and Hermione were like in their 20s? With super dark evil defeated and being young, I bet they totally partied. Anyway, Rowling got sacked for Tolkien. I am a huge fan of his work. The Hobbit is one of my favorite books, and I have read it over a dozen times. He creates these epic stories that carry you away. “If you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” Yeah, he’s a boss like that. Also, the guy created a language. He sat one day and thought, I’m going to write this awesome epic and I think I’ll create a language too. Who does that? Awesome people, that’s who.

3. Jesus
This might seem like a stereotypical answer, but it’s more than just being a suck up to Jesus. I was raised Roman Catholic, and even though I don’t identify myself as Roman Catholic anymore, I do still believe in a God. Some kind of higher power that we’re all sharing, and calling it by a different name. I would invite him to my dinner party because I want to ask him what his opinion is of all these people supposedly preaching in his name. Does Jesus really hate fags? I highly doubt it. Personally, I think Jesus was the original hippy. He preached about loving everyone despite their faults and said we shouldn’t be judgmental idiots. He shared food, dined with people society couldn’t stand, and told us to love. So why do people not seem to get it? I want his take on the issue.

4. Henrik Zetterberg
Granted, I was tempted to put the entire Red Wings team on here. But I figured that would overmax my limit by quite a bit. I could pick several players to fill this spot, but Zetter is the one I wanted most. He’s the current capitano of the team. I want his insight on how the team is performing, what he thinks they need to work on, and how he feels being in this leadership position. Also, he’s kind of gorgeous to look at, so while he talks I’ll have to keep myself from drooling all over my food.

The last spot was the toughest to decided. I knew I wanted to have someone really special, but I am blessed to have a lot of really special people in my life. It eventually got narrowed down to four people, all of whom are family. My cousin Justene is like my little sister, since we grew up so closely. My cousin Colette is my current roommate, and knows me so well that I’m her emotional half and she’s my rational half. My aunt Carol passed away from cancer. Of all the death I have dealt with, her death still wounds me in ways I can barely handle. Watching someone so wonderful suffer from such a terrible disease is excruciating. She’s my guardian angel. There is three....drum roll please.......

5. My mom
I’ve been blessed to have not only a mom who is cool, but a mom who truly embraced her job raising me. She was not terribly young when she got pregnant, but at 21 not everyone is responsible enough to take on raising a child. There were times as a kid, where I felt like we didn’t spend that much time together, but as I grew up I realized she was working hard to provide for me. I didn’t want for anything, but I wasn’t spoiled. We spent Thanksgivings and Christmases serving food at church so I understood the value of what I had. And as I got older, I understood her more and the choices she made when raising me. Now that I’m grown and out of the nest, she’s a confidant that I can talk to when I’m feeling troubled. Or a drinking buddy when I want to relax and have a good time. I owe my mom a lot for how I am today, and especially the values I want to espouse should I have kids. We haven’t always gotten along the best, but we’ve always loved each other and that got us through all the other mucky stuff.



With the table set and the invites out, all I need to do now is prepare the food. I’m thinking coq au vin, because I don’t know what it is and I’m desperate to find out. Also wine. Lots and lots of wine :)