Monday, October 3, 2016

30 Days of Militant Self Care: Day 3

Today's post was something I desperately needed.  It was a little motivation.  Having depression and anxiety means dealing with shit that I know is dumb.  I know logically that it isn't that hard to pick up after myself.  I know that logically if I fold and put the clothes away once I'm done with the load that it won't take that long.  I know logically that as soon as I open a bill or a check, I should not just relegate it to a pile that will eventually grow large enough to go through.  I know these things.  But that does not mean I follow them.

A post went viral recently of a woman with depression who cleaned her room. She posted a picture of her room before, and a picture after she cleaned it.  This is my depression to an absolute tee.  I will let things get bad enough until eventually it takes a whole day to clean it.  That is just how I operate.  It has been that way since I was a kid.  My mom tried to get on my butt about keeping my room spotless but eventually I told her to just shut my door.  Because it's almost an impulse or something truly out of my control.  I do the same with my car.  And with the couch in the living room, though that I pick up more regularly because I share the space with my mom.  But today, today I did something.

Today's prompt was to acknowledge and tackle an adult task that you've been putting off.  Cue the laundry!!!  Laundry takes me around two to the three days.  I usually amass enough clothes for two loads, if not three.  Sometimes four if I am especially unmotivated.  I am trying not to use the term lazy anymore.  Because sometimes I am just refusing to do something, but other times I literally couldn't bring myself to do it if I had all the King's horses and all the King's men.

Floor?! You exist!
I wish I had the foresight to take a picture of the mass of dirty laundry that was sitting here. I mean it was epic pile of leaves level.  I did all three loads in the washer yesterday, but forgot the towels needed to be dried so those hit the dryer tonight.  But my adult task for the day?  Sitting and spending what felt like an eternity folding and putting away clothes.  In the end, stuff that needed to be hung up got laid out flat for later but anything that can be folded got put away.  I wanted to get other adult things done like activating my new debit card and filling out my art show application.  But the laundry took that long.  Like 3 hours.  So by the time I was done, I had just enough energy to write this and go to bed.  It's not much.  But it means something.  Not just to me, but to everyone who understands the struggle to be tidy, the lack of motivation to put stuff away when you're done with it.  This one is for you.  The ones who struggle.  The ones who are unmotivated.  Cheers.

Stay tuned for more adventures in militant self care!

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